Rebellion of the Self
I have the very unique privilege of doing what I love. Is it always love? Oh no. No it's not.
See, when you disconnect from a way of life that you were programmed to lead, it hurts. It hurts like hell. Of course I rebelled against this my entire life. I didn't know I was rebelling, but I was.
Did it need to hurt? Did it have to be so dramatic? Did it have to cost me so much?
No. See, the problem was that I was never conscious of this inner-rebellion. I had no idea that the world I was fighting against externally was all happening internally.
Moving from Penn State, to Los Angeles, to Miami, to D.C., to Chicago, to Philly, to NY was simply prolonging the inevitable. ME.
I talk about being stuck a lot and what happens when you don't acknowledge it. Well, for me, the reason I ran from stuckness was fear. I blamed the city. The job. The woman. The money. Whatever I could, I blamed it.
But I was stuck. Deep, deep inside it was me.
And finally in NY, I decided to stop. I decided to listen. I let the chaos of the stuck take over...and annihilate everything I thought I was.
Funny thing happened though, I became more of me than I ever thought I could be.
Rebellion is good. It's healthy. However, make sure it's not a distraction from what is really going on.
A rebellion against the self.
Trust me on this. It doesn't need to hurt.