Never Choosing will kill you.
Half in and half out. It's a safe way to live. Not too much commitment one way or the other. Not choosing. Hedging your bets. If one fails, you always have a backup.
That's fine. To a point. Until...it's not fine anymore.
Until you feel burnt out. Fractured. Not whole.
But why do we do it? Why do we not commit?
Fear. What if I fail? What if I'm not good enough? What if, what if, what if?
Those are fair questions. But the truth is, if you are half in and half out, you aren't fully living. It's a half life.
So what do you do? Choose. It's simple but damn is it hard. It can be brutal. But not choosing is how you die. Trust me, I lived a huge chunk of my life by never choosing. Always living in this weird grey area.
On the night before my wedding, I was speaking to my father in law who is ex-FBI. I was talking about work, life, afraid of making the wrong choices (not regarding my marriage of course). And I asked how he made his decisions, especially when people's lives were on the line.
And he said this, "You choose. It might not be right but you just have to fucking choose. And then own it."
Maybe the real problem is that nowadays we aren't forced to choose. We can live this safe, complacent life, half in, half out life. Well, what if your life depended on it? What if it did matter, right NOW?
What would you fucking choose?
And then do it.