This is really an off-the-cuff post. This is going to be a version of what my morning journaling exercise, the Brain Dump, looks like. I highly recommend people rereading my previous post about it and trying the dump. Also, I am going away for 6 weeks. This last week coming up is pretty booked but there are some last minute spots for anyone who wants to try any of the services I've been offering or any specials. They're all up for grabs. $100 hour skype session. $699 week of finding your life. Or hell, if you feel like making up something because of your time schedule, great, let's try it. This is the last week where it will be experimenting time. When I get back, BOOM will be much different.
So here is my dump for the day and it's all about the thread of What if fear didn't exist:
"I woke up this morning, again with anxiety in my solar plexus. I hate it. I loathe it. I wonder if it is just fear of the unknown that is crushing my soul. I need to get up. I ate too much pizza and chocolate cake yesterday. I am leaving to staff at my meditation school for 6 weeks. What am I thinking? No income. No Bridge. Am I insane? Ok, go meditate. You need an hour. Meditate. Just meditate. Don't check your phone. Read a book at least. Ok, a book. Jordan made me buy Search Inside Yourself, read that. Ok, oh damn he's talking about fear. What if fear is what I'm trying to reverse engineer with BOOM? Should I change the name of BOOM? It's sacred and am I pandering with hashtags. I like hashtags but it feels cheap. Fear! What is it that I want?
A thought came into my mind this morning, what if fear didn't exist. What would I do? How differently would I live life. I was watching the old movie Defending Your life last night and they talked about how fear prevents people from truly living. And if you don't live you have to go back to earth for another round of life. Albert Brooks was in it. I like him. In the movie they make you review your life and a lot of incidences were about him missing big opportunities to make money.. He said, "so the point of life is to make money." And they argued, "No, it's highlighting how small you acted out of fear." He could only see the money. They could only see the fear.
Fear, fear, fear, fear. What if there was no fear. I would walk up to people in the streets and sing Little Mermaid. I would walk naked. I would go to google and talk about BOOM and the sacredness of space. But fear keeps me from acknowledging sacredness. It needs a hashtag. #SacredLivingforBOOM. There we go. That should cheapen it up a bit.
I then check Facebook to see how many views my PureWow video got. Ooohh almost 5k. Not bad. Oh shit, it's a video about a woman who decided to overcome her fears by living 100 days without fear. There it is again. It needs a hashtag.
So, it is time to face fears. It is obvious a thread as arisen. I realize BOOM's time of trial and error are coming to an end and it is time. It's time for it to finally be what it needs to be. When I return from my "fearless" 6 weeks of deconstruction, BOOM will be what it needs to be. No hashtags. No selling out. No compromises. It will be sacred. It has to be. I don't want to review my life and see what the hell I didn't do because of fear. I can't stop thinking about that chocolate cake. I still haven't meditated. I feel fat again. I didn't drink water yet. I tell people to drink water. I haven't.
To speak without fear. To act without fear. To live without fear. At the end of the day it's got to be fear or love. I hate the word love sometimes. It's cheesy and people use it for hashtags. I have. Why am I so against hashtags. It's weird. God, our house is dusty. I'm going to eat the chocolate cake now. No fear. No abs."