What if we could do it?

What if we could do it?

Could you imagine it?

That we could do it?

Wow. That's something. The one thing we are absolutely convinced that can never happen. 

And we decide, it can happen. We can do it. 

I wonder how much of the battle would be won just in that admission. 

It's a tough one. No doubt about it. Because most of our thoughts will tell us differently. They will prove to us over and over again that we can't do it. They will create a reality constructed for the sole purpose of proving, we can't do it. 

But, who is stronger? What is stronger? Your mind and the reality it creates? 

Or the choice of creating your own reality? Your own power? Your own Truth?

What if we could do it?

Could you imagine it?

Love,

Bryce

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Choosing the New Norm?

The New Norm. 

What is it for you? 

Better diet? Working out more? More time with friends? More "me" time? More TIME!?

Or

Unhealthy food? Not working out? Less time with friends? No "me" time? No time at all?

The New Norm is a tricky bastard because like everything, it can work to support or destroy us. 

It's slow. It's not sexy. It takes time to establish itself. But when it does, you better damn believe that it's there. And it is difficult to move. 

Again, for better or for worse. 

A workout habit that you've spent 2 years perfecting and integrating into your life so it becomes a part of your life, that ain't going away any time soon. 

Or 

Staying late at work over the last two years where you've accepted that as your new reality. 5pm, 6pm, 7pm. One weekend a month. Two weekends a month. And now maybe, just maybe Sunday afternoon and night are free. How did it happen? When? Where? 

The New Norm. 

It should be celebrated in some instances and examined in others. 

Awareness is the key. 

Don't simply accept the New Norm, choose it!


Love,

Bryce

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Saying NO for a YES

The joy of saying NO. 

It's so small. So tiny. And yet, so powerful.

NO can mean that there is a more important YES on the other side. 

That the YES is worth fighting for. 

That the YES is clear and concise. 

It is ownership. It is definitive. 

While some see NO as a bad thing. 

To me, NO is honoring the coveted YES. 

And saying YES, is damn beautiful. 


Love,

Bryce

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The Paradox of comparison

One of the things I noticed with clients from coaching and IST work is the fear that they are alone. Alone in this world in their feelings. In their failures. In their judgments. 

They are the only ones fucking up. 

There is no one else, ever, making their same mistake. And they are terrible people for it. 

A comparison in totality.

And that breaks my heart. I've felt that way. I know the weight of that. It's heavy and isolating. 

But, alas, we are not alone. We are all human. We are all making mistakes. We are all "failing." We are all "screwed up." We are all "imperfect." We are all "less than." We are all...fill in the blank. 

No one has the answers. They can't! If there did they would be God.

No one is perfect...because there is no perfect. There can't be. In an ever changing system of life, perfect does not exist. 

Thus, if we are basing our performance as a human on a static quality or trait that existed in the past, it is incorrect. It's incorrect because it no longer exists. Because everything changes. All of the time!

So why would we judge ourselves on something that no longer exists?

Paradoxical isn't it?

Accept the fact no one really has a clue what is going on. We have some hints. We have some ideas. But truly, who really knows?

Both comforting and disturbing...and hopefully somewhere in the middle, freeing.

Love,

Bryce

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How not to be nice in business 2

I wrote a post yesterday about, How Not To Be Nice in Business

The point of the article was that nice isn't always effective. It's not always goal oriented. It can be a form of playing small. A way to hide. 

And someone asked me why people play nice? What are their reasonings behind it? Their beliefs?

So here we go: 

First, I have/had the nice guy syndrome. I know it well. It was my m.o. for many a year. So why did I do it? 

1. Fear. The opposite of nice Bryce is not so nice Bryce. Cruel Bryce. There is a part of me that knows exactly where to jab my verbal knife and twist. It's come out before. It's hurt people. Often times from a place of reaction. See that's the funny thing about people who play nice, there is an equal and opposite force lurking below. And it can be quite a force indeed. For me, I never knew how to rectify this force. This ferocity. I judged it. I shamed it. So, I chose nice. No reaction. People always liked me. Check. But in doing so, a huge portion of me died. I was never quite real. Always slightly hidden behind the nice. Here but not quite. 

2. Being nice allowed me to hide. If I hid, I wouldn't be the target of someone else's verbal knife. I could stand behind the shield of nice. I wouldn't get hurt. I could be small. I would never need to fail because I would stay in the womb of complacency and comfort. Safe, nice, and cozy. And this fear stemmed again from my own ferocity. If I could cut, others could too. Now, if I owned this ferocity in a way where it would flow instead of explode, I wouldn't have this fear. I would be in my power. I wouldn't attack but I would be clear. Present and sharp. 

3. Other people's time was more important than my own. That's nice. This I see a lot with people that are empathetic. I am. So I want to help. Truly. But people will take as much as you give. Which means they will take it all. And there is no one to blame but ourselves. Nothing to dwell on but it is something to be cognizant of. We have a limited amount of time, how do we CHOOSE to use it? Who is the most important person in our lives. US. No exception. Tough to swallow. Sounds selfish. Sounds indulgent. But ain't no way around it. We must protect ourselves first and foremost. Especially our time.

4. We are bred to be nice. This fact sucks. But damn if we aren't bred to be sheep. From the moment we enter school, we are taught to fear authority. To not think beyond the system of memorization and tests. To be a cog in the machine. Then we get bosses. Same thing all over again. We can "Yes sir or mam" all the way to the top. Nice is safe. We won't get dragged through the mud for our opinions. Nice is status quo. Nice is numb. Numb is acceptable. It doesn't challenge anyone. Fuck that. 

5. Nice is job security. Nice is a game player. An ass kisser. Someone who focuses more on building relationships for survival as opposed to growth. While nice is effective in the short term, rarely do I see anyone truly succeed who has been nice their entire lives. Again, I know it well. I was a chameleon. Who did I need to become? What did I need to say? To turn a blind eye to? What politics did I need to engage in?

I chose popular. Ahh, but was I respected? Most likely not. 

Again, these are beliefs. Some may be facts. But at the end of the day nice, when coming from a place of fear, or "I have to, I need to, I should," is unsustainable and ineffective. 

If you are nice and you don't like it, see what is behind the nice. What fears come up. And then, see if there is a not so nice version of you. I'm willing to put money on it that there is. Something that could rip the throat out of a buffalo. A temper. A ferocity. A viciousness. May be small, may be big. But damn effective. 

We don't want to hide it. We want to own it, so we aren't stuck in the prison of nice. Instead, when it is owned, we take responsibility for who we are. We expand. We take that first primal breath. And then we can rationally take the next step. No games. No half-truths. No obligations. 

Just goddamn power. 

Love,

Not So Nice Bryce

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