A very large fear
I fear sometimes that I will be lost. Forgotten. It's a deeply imbedded fear. It haunts me in my sleep.
Because of this fear there are times I grasp at things. People. Ideas. Jobs.
It's all to HOLD ON! Do not forget. Do not leave.
This fear is hidden in me. Tiny, deep down. A little seed. A samskara.
But this seed has has branches. It spreads. It grows. And it affects all parts of my life.
Sometimes I can become a very different person because of it. Overly jokey. Mad. Introvert. Slick.
It affects my thinking. My worries. My motivations.
All because of this seed. What a profound thing to see.
Once I saw it, than I could learn from it. I could trace it back to the source. I could see how it manifested in my daily life. The influence it had.
This is why I meditate. I want to know what's hidden in there. I want to know what's not really me. I want to know what I bloody damn well feel like. I don't want something pulling the strings without my consent.
Acknowledge, source, feel, and open.
No thinking. Just feeling.
And then you get to be you and I get to be me. Ain't nothing like it in the world. Trust me.