I thought my body would combust

I went swimming in the ocean this week. It was about 41 degrees. I went with a friend one day. We stayed in about 2 minutes and got out. 

I went in again, a day later. It was raining. I was by myself. The water and air temp were the same, 41 degrees. Walking down to the water I was shivering. And I went in.

This time I stayed in longer. Way longer. There was a scream in my body. It really affected my arms and wrists for some reason. But it was fight or flight. The body was scared. I was scared. This primal sense of survival took over. 

I stayed in. I wanted to see how far I could push it. What was beyond the knee jerk survival instinct. 

The scream grew louder. I thought I was going to combust. I had never experienced anything like it. Like every cell in my body was going to simultaneously combust.

Then, after about 5-10 minutes, I adapted. It all calmed down. Silence. I tamed the beast. I stayed in probably about 20 minutes total. I'm not totally sure. But my mission was to adapt. I did. 

The wild thing about this was that it wasn't only my mind that was telling me NO, it was my body. And for good reason. By the way, DO NOT DO THIS. Yadadada, legal disclaimer, doctor recommendation, something about your heart, being pregnant and if you've every tripped on acid at a Grateful Dead concert. 

But I digress. It was the body and the mind both dying. Or fear of dying. And this is the fear of all fears. Death. And it was hell. To ignore it was hell. 

However, once adapted I felt unstoppable. My mind clear. My sense of self aligned. My Truth a blazin. 

I walked the beach wet for another 20 minutes. My body would shake to near convulsions. 

UNTIL, I steadied my breath, quieted the mind, and grounded down through my feet. When I could put all my attention on that sequence, my body was perfectly content. But the minute I let go of that, the body would default to flubbing around and shaking.  

It truly is amazing what we are capable of when we push through the fears of the mind and the body and their need for survival (see legal disclaimer above). 

It makes you wonder, what is just on the other side of discomfort???




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Bryce KennedyComment