I'm back, kind of.
I spent the last 6 weeks in the mountains of California at my school of meditation. It was an experience that is hard to explain. Here are a few words- profound, life changing, terrifying, opening, sad, rage, love, fire, ME. Sometimes all of these would happen at once. Other times they would slowly trickle out. They could scream me awake in the middle of the night or they could soothe me to sleep like a cosmic mother. Buttons were pushed. Reactions happened. Anger, sadness, joy, love all wrapped into one. And then, after it came at me like a tidal wave of insanity...silence. A profound silence and stillness that could only be dreamt of. And yet, there it was. Truth. The truth of me.
I have a driving force for truth. I lived many years being pulled by many different forces away from my truth. There is no blame. It is what it is. And yet, for some reason, deep in my soul, I knew there was more. That's the beautiful part of my fire. It's very particular. And because I didn't understand my truth early on, I had and have to fight for it. There is no satiating this thirst, this hunger. It is a quest. It's my quest. Some people know their truth very early on. This is not for you. This is for the people who know there is more. There is more to uncover. And they will go to the ends of the earth to find the "I" in "I AM." This is for you. This is for me.
There was a moment during the six weeks where I thought with every fiber of my being I couldn't continue. My body and mind gave up. It said, "Go home, watch tv. This is ridiculous. Why fight?" I heard that voice. It warmed me. And yet, something deeper knew it was wrong. So I passed through the threshold of what my mind and body considered possible. I came out the other side with a very humble respect for willpower. For wantings and desires. But of the deepest kind. Of the soul. Of the fire. Of truth.
So I leave you with this, It is only when we push beyond the limitations of the ordinary do we live extraordinary. Extraordinary is individual. It is simplistic. It is beautiful. It is awake. It is knowing. It truth.