The Marriage Experiment
“If I get married, I want to be very married.”
― Audrey Hepburn
I am marring Bridget, the woman of my dreams, this Saturday, March 19th. She's the one I have spoken about for many years in my blog. We are going to Anguilla to do a proper, tap into the universe, let's connect to major things above, ceremony. It's big. But, as I often do, I wanted to make this a lil experiment and share it with you.
The experiment: Love
Now I know that may seem ridiculous but hear me out. If you've ever read anything in the past blog posts, you know that I freely admit that I take for granted a lot of the amazing things in my life. I don't wake up whistling dixie thinking how lucky I am. I don't let blue birds sit on my shoulder so we can sing Disney songs...though I wish we did. No, the truth is there is a part of me that can get very caught up in the insanity that is life and especially life in NYC. So why the experiment?
Because I believe in magic. I do. And I wanted to see just how magical life could be during the insanity of a wedding. And so far the results have been stunning. I have to categorically state that I have never, in my life, been so swept away with gratitude and love.
The criteria: Open my heart to everything that I normally don't feel grateful for, or at least don't give it the proper time to feel. Totally being in the moment as if it were the last moment. Now, I force myself to breathe, take it in (whatever the love stimulus is) and really allow it to sink in. No future, no judgment, pure unbridled love.
Take for example, I received a card from my aunt and uncle. I was reading it in the back of a cab and I actually read the words. Like really read them instead of being, "awe that's sweet. god I hate NY traffic." Instead I focused on what they said. And i'll be honest, I wept. I wept in the damn cab. My heart ripped open and I wept, still cursing the traffic. But I became this huge blubbering idiot and it was amazing. I let their love pour in.
Another example, Bridget. I often take for granted Bridget. We're busy people. Her with acting, me and my business. But when we both calm down for a second and really focus on each other it's absolutely stunning to see who I get to share my life with. We did this meditation the other night. We lit a candle, got quiet, breathed and just shared what we did that day. We've only done this maybe 3 times in 5 years (it should be everyday). And it's amazing when all the shit from life is shut out and all you have is your eyes, your heart, and your words. it becomes an incredibly deep connection. I mean deep. The mind quiets and what you share is from a different part than you normally would. Dare I say the soul? Guess what happened....I WEPT, AGAIN! I mean I couldn't help it. I got to see Bridget. Really see her. Heart explosion!
Lastly, I making the bed this morning and a thought popped into my head, "go on the roof and drink coffee." Ah, but that means I have to put on shoes, make coffee, put on pants, make coffee, essentially I was a whiney shmuck. But I did it. I made the coffee. Then I made a ridiculously unhealthy but fantastic bacon and egg sandwich and went to the roof. I pulled up a chair and looked over all of Brooklyn. There I was. Drinking coffee and eating a pork heart attack. And wouldn't you know, I started crying, AGAIN!!!!!! It was so beautiful. I always wanted a roof that I could come out and enjoy my breakfast on with an amazing view. And I have it. I never even thought of it. I just focused on so much stupid inane crap that i almost missed it. But this morning, it was mine. All mine!
But that's it That's the magnitude of it all. It is really about love. Letting it in. EVERYTHING that is good in life. And my biggest fear of becoming a blubbering crying idiot has come true. But, it's wonderful. I haven't felt a heart this happy in a long, long time. And it's not forced. It's simply for what i have in my life.
So now it's your turn to read me cry. Thank you for reading my blog. Watching my videos. Being amazing people. I am trying to share my trials and tribulations so you can expedite any process you may be having in this world. That's my goal. I'm lucky. I get to play with all of this and for those who don't have that opportunity, I hope this helps. Truly from the bottom of my heart.
Well, I should probably get to sleep. It turns out I will be carrying a gigantic garment bag full of wedding dress through the airport tomorrow, most likely weeping all over it because of how happy I am. I'm sure tears go well with silk. Then maybe I won't be so happy...
I hope to write during this week but if not, take care and I will catch you on the flip side. And remember...Choose Magic.