Today, I Just Can't
There have been a few times in my life when I had my "shot." I'm talking like a game changer. I was invited to work overseas for a law firm right after my first year of law school. Given a slot at a major comedy show. Could have worked at a major startup. Even begun my acting career years in advance... if ... I had just walked through the stage doors. But for whatever reason, I couldn't. I stood absolutely petrified outside my high school stage doors where auditions were being held for the school musical, The King and I (which happens to be the first musical I was ever in, irony). And so I turned around, hat in hand, and drove home with my best friend Vikas never to speak of it again. I didn't do any of those things. And it hurt.
Living in regret is so passé. It's soooo early 2000's. And yet, I lived it...for a long time. MISSED OPPORTUNITIES! I COULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER! Blah, blah, blah. The fact is that I just couldn't do those things. There was like this invisible force that crushed all mobility. It was just too big of a stretch for me at that time. It's a shame but you know what, screw it. SCREW THE WHOLE DAMN THING! Yes, who knows what could have been. I could be a billionaire speaking mandarin or a huge well known comedian or playing opposite Ken Watanabe in The King and I at the Lincoln Center. But I'm not. I also could be dead. I could be missing an eye (big fear of mine), I could be in bad, bad, bad sorts. But I'm not.
No, instead I am Bryce. Just a simple son of a soap salesman. And there are times when I know in my core that xyz is the right decision and I am trying like hell to make it but I can't. And I have to be ok with that. I have to say, "You know what world, THAT is my decision! How about that?! I am taking my power back. I am owning it. I will not wallow. I will not be ashamed. That was my decision, so eat it!" You have to do that. You just do because if you don't you will live a life of regret. You will live a life in prison of "what if's" and "I should haves." You will miss all the new incredibly badass opportunities waiting for you. And they are. Don't kid yourself. You are meant to succeed at being freaking HUGE!
And dammit I can't stress enough, this life is meant to be LIVED! Sure, we all screw up. We blow it somehow but that's the plan. It's meant to be blown. Your only job is to pick yourself up off the ground, with tears in your eyes, muscles aching, head throbbing, heart broken and you stand up! YOU STAND UP! AND LAUGH! IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?! THIS IS MY LIFE! AND I WILL NOT BE HELD DOWN BY REGRET! REGRET IS FOR CHUMPS! AND MAMA DIDN'T RAISE NO CHUMP!
Today, I just can't. God knows I tried with my entire soul. That's my choice. But tomorrow you better be packing heat because I'll be kicking some major ass! I promise.
Now keep that promise.
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